Before giving birth, many of us have this idealized version of motherhood.
We imagine ourselves effortlessly balancing everything, including love, career, and personal time, while raising a happy, well-adjusted child. We picture ourselves in control, emotionally calm, and navigating the world of parenting with ease.
But the reality after birth? It’s a far different story. The changes that come after giving birth can be overwhelming, exhausting, and transformative in ways we never expected. Here’s how the expectations about having kids clash with the realities once you give birth.
Expectation 1: Motherhood Will Feel Instinctive and Natural
Before having kids, many people imagine that love for their child will come instantly, and motherhood will feel natural with effortlessly fulfilling and the perfect balance of bonding and care.
Experience 1: The Overwhelming Emotional Rollercoaster
The reality is that while love for your baby is overwhelming, the experience is also filled with moments of confusion, exhaustion, and uncertainty.
The bond you imagined may not come immediately. Instead, it’s a process.
Between sleepless nights, constant feedings, and learning how to meet your baby’s needs, you often feel overwhelmed and uncertain. It’s exhausting, but in time, the bond will grow, even if it isn’t what you expected at first.
Expectation 2: Life Will Maintain Balance
Before having children, there’s an expectation that life will continue as before. You’ll keep working, socializing, staying fit, and managing your personal time, all while nurturing a baby.
Experience 2: Forgetting About Balance
The truth is that balance doesn’t exist in the way you imagine after birth.
Motherhood becomes all-consuming. There’s no room for everything you used to do. Your life shifts into a new rhythm, dictated by your baby’s schedule, such as feeding, changing, and nap times.
The idea of balancing work, social life, and personal time becomes a distant memory. Survival mode takes over, and adjusting to this new routine takes time.
Expectation 3: You’ll Be a Supermom Who Does It All
Before giving birth, many of us imagine being able to do it all: be the perfect mom, partner, friend, and employee, while still keeping a healthy body and mind.
Experience 3: The Myth of Supermom
After birth, the idea of Supermom is shattered.
It’s physically impossible to maintain pre-baby routines, fitness goals, or work-life balance the way you imagined. The truth is, you can’t do it all. Instead, asking for help and embracing imperfection become key to surviving the first year of motherhood.
The pressure to be perfect can feel suffocating, but it’s important to let go of unrealistic standards and understand that it’s okay to not have everything figured out.
Expectation 4: You’ll Be Instantly Close to Your Baby
Before giving birth, many expect that the bond with their newborn will feel instant and that love will flow easily. You picture the perfect moments of holding your baby close and feeling deeply connected.
Experience 4: Emotional Complexity and Identity Shifts
While there’s immense love for your baby, it isn’t always a smooth experience. The bond grows over time, and the early days can feel emotionally draining.
The exhaustion of constant caregiving, mixed with the emotional shift in your own identity, makes it difficult to always feel connected in the ways you imagined.
Postpartum depression, anxiety, or simply the emotional chaos of the first months can make motherhood feel like a rollercoaster rather than the serene experience you expected.
Expectation 5: You’ll Return to Your Pre-Baby Body and Routine Quickly
Before pregnancy, many imagine they’ll bounce back physically and emotionally after childbirth. You think you’ll fit back into your old clothes, get back to your exercise routine, and reclaim your pre-pregnancy energy levels.
Experience 5: The Slow Process of Recovery
The reality is that bouncing back isn’t immediate, and it may never look like what you imagined. Your body has changed. The recovery process, both physically and emotionally, takes time.
Some days, the idea of getting back to normal may feel impossible. Instead of rushing to return to who you were before, it’s more about embracing the changes and giving yourself grace. True recovery comes when you accept that this transformation is part of the journey.
Expectation 6: You’ll Stay Calm and Collected
Before having a baby, you might picture yourself as a calm, patient mother who knows how to stay collected, no matter what the day brings. You imagine responding calmly to every situation, with a level of emotional control.
Experience 6: The Emotional Rollercoaster of Motherhood
In reality, motherhood brings up all kinds of emotions, such as joy, frustration, anger, and deep love, often in rapid succession. Trying to stay calm becomes nearly impossible when you’re sleep-deprived, overwhelmed, or feeling stretched thin.
Learning to navigate these intense feelings is part of the journey, but it isn’t always easy. And that’s okay.
Expectation 7: You’ll Have the Perfect Parenting Plan
Before children, you may have read books, attended classes, or watched videos on the “perfect way” to raise a child. You envision yourself following a strict parenting plan, ticking off every milestone and creating the perfect environment for your child’s growth.
Experience 7: Letting Go of the Plan
The reality is that no parenting plan is foolproof. Each child is different, and your approach to parenting will evolve. What works one day may not work the next.
Parenting is an ongoing experiment: you’ll constantly be adjusting, learning, and growing. Flexibility and patience become the true keys to success, not following a rigid plan.
Expectation 8: You’ll Never Feel Alone Again
Before having children, it’s easy to think that your baby will keep you constantly connected to people, whether it’s with family, friends, or other parents.
Experience 8: The Loneliness of Motherhood
The reality is that motherhood can be isolating.
The demands of caring for a newborn often leave you feeling disconnected from others. You might find it hard to maintain friendships, engage in social activities, or even find time to connect with your partner.
The exhaustion and the focus on your baby can create moments of loneliness, despite being surrounded by others.
Expectation 9: You’ll Get Back to Your Social Life
Before having kids, you likely thought that your social life would continue after childbirth. You’d still go out with friends, attend events, and maintain the same level of social engagement.
Experience 9: A New Definition of Social Life
The truth? Socializing takes on a whole new meaning. It’s about creating moments of connection within your new world.
Friendships will evolve, and your social life will be redefined. You may find that your relationships become deeper and more intentional, focusing on quality over quantity.
Key Takeaway
Motherhood is nothing like what you expect before having kids. It’s hard, messy, and emotionally intense, but it’s also rewarding in ways you never imagined. The key is to let go of expectations, embrace the change, and learn to love yourself and the process.
Ready to embrace the new reality of motherhood? Explore how to shift your expectations and navigate the challenges that come with having a child.
